Friday, 24 June 2011

Telling new people that I'm bisexual

I'm moving out in a few weeks. Leaving my parents house for the start of higher education. I'll be meeting new people, living with some, working with most, and generally starting a new phase of life.

There is a lot to be scared of, including living alone on a budget, the workload, making friends, a new city that is so big and sprawling as London is. As a bisexual, I have the added drama of being scared of abuse or rejection because of my orientation. As a Christian bisexual, I've got even more to deal with as I want to find a new church to become a regular member of the congregation on Sundays, and I have to find the right one that will have no problem with my sexuality.

The latter is easier to deal with, as I can up sticks and leave a church if I find they are against homosexuality and the like. The former however, is trickier, as the people I will be in my accommodation with and on the course with, are people that I'm stuck with.

Luckily, it is drama school, and there is likely to be a slightly better ratio of straight to not than at other small specialist schools. My biggest concern is my own conduct, how I go about telling people and maybe having to deal with bad reactions. I have no precedent or example to follow. I don't want to be known as 'The Bisexual One' or keep it a secret. I have confidence, I'll manage, but that does not stop me from being scared.

Telling new people will become less daunting. My discomfort comes from the same place all my anxiety for meeting new people comes from - I'm a young adult, still growing into the person I will one day be, so my confidence in all aspects of myself is in a state of early maturity. I'm not saying I don't accept my bisexuality, it's just...this is very hard to articulate. Anyway, as my surety in who I am as an adult solidifies, so will telling people I'm bi become less scary, and dealing with bad reactions easier.

I know that; but I'm facing my first big test, and I need it to go well, so it's scary, and daunting, and I just have to barrel through, and always be the bigger man, however hard that is.

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