Sunday, 9 October 2011

Meeting another bisexual

In my life so far since I realised my bisexuality (five and a half years), I have knowingly met the bisexuals Sophie1, Sophie2, Yanqing, Jon and Vahan. I've also met Rachel and Olivia, who were both confused and experimenting with bisexuality when I knew them.

For me, discovering that they were bisexual had a unique effect on my interactions with each of them, but it almost all cases it was simply exciting. As you can see, in day to day life, I have found that I have not knowingly met almost any bisexuals, and that has made being myself a little harder I suppose. It's probably got a lot to do with why I started this blog, as an attempt to contact the bisexual community, and if not doing that successfully, just finding a vent where I can be bisexual in entirety. Even in a same-sex relationship, it is sometimes hard not to feel simply gay most of the time.

Being around LGBT+ in general is nice. But we're still really quite a misunderstood and unrepresented part of the queer group. We don't have as hard a time of it as the T's, of course, but to the general populace, who are now really getting to grips with homosexuality, to the point that it is almost a non-issue in Western society, the bisexuals are still a confusing mystery.

A straight person can cope with a gay person because they are polar opposite, so different as to be similar. Straight woman, straight man, gay woman, gay man. Likes men, women, women, men. And what's this on the end of the line? Bisexual man, bisexual woman. Likes men and women, like men and women. Huh?

Ok, so this is how I've read straight people's reactions to me and bisexuality in general, maybe they think differently, but that's how it comes across to me. They think bisexuality is bizarre and unfathomable. You can see in their eyes 'choose already!' And to you and me, the bisexuals looking back at them, it seems so simple. Why can't they get it?

We have to be nice to them. We're heading in the right direction. The gays set the precedent, here we come, and the T's are chomping at the bit behind us.

So when I meet a bisexual, we both instantly know what the other has to go through, and here is someone, finally, who sees the simplicity of it. I met Vahan last week, and only a couple of nights ago he confirmed it for me. He had blipped slightly on the gaydar but obviously I wasn't sure. When he said "You see, I'm a bisexual like you," something just eased in me, instantly. It's hard not to unconsciously watch your tongue around straight people, so they don't get confused poor dears. They often forget you're bi and it panics them when you suddenly start commenting on the hips of a girl across the bar.

But around Vahan, the gag is slipped, the brakes pulled off, you can say what you feel. You don't have to explain everything either - the other night, it happened again with a straight person; I'm a bisexual, oh really?, question question question question, answer answer mini-lecture.

I've felt a little held back here at my new college. Have only met one lezza, in the third year, and there are a couple of gays dotted around the first year. But now, I can have bi-solidarity! Someone to talk to about things that no one else can quite comprehend. It's this community feel I love about being bi. And he can come to me of course.

Oh goody. And no, I'm not going to mention if he's cute or not.

No comments:

Post a Comment