Saturday, 26 January 2013

Forgetting that I'm bi

I think I've talked about this before, but I just have the compulsion to talk about it now.

How can people forget? People forget I'm bisexual, like they might forget I don't like pink, or something. It feels ludicrous to me. They don't forget about the gay people, but they always need prompting, a reminder, to add women into the equation about me when talking about men, or other similar situations.

I'm a romantic - a soppy fool if you will, full of marshmallow and loud ballads - and love is a big deal for me. So it gets on my nerves that people stumble when talking about me and love, that they get it wrong, forget, in a way that doesn't apply to my preferences to colours. I don't care if they forget that I don't like pink. But forgetting I'm bi, well, that's a part of me that majorly affects my life, basically runs it.

My passion for love, my enthusiasm for human connection, it's in everything - my interactions with others that wants to be a good person so that they may be happy; my love of story, and how it explores what it means to be people, that leads me to writing my own prose as well as reading copiously, and choosing a career in theatre; throwing myself into the faith and community of Christianity; honing my cooking skills and appreciation of food so it can be shared with others - the human condition fascinates me, and the bare essential of the meaning of life, and the ultimate underpinning of the universe for me boils down to LOVE.

And I fall in love with men and women.

And you forget that the basic principle of my existence involves both??!

Or that's what it feels like. Is it because I know I'm a misunderstood element of a misunderstood minority, that I am projecting forgetfulness onto them, because I expect it? How can I tell if my perception is wrong?

But if I'm right...

You can see my problem. I want to let it go; I want to forgive them on the grounds of human error, or ignorance, as we are all guilty of committing of course, and I wonder if my difficulty to do so is justified or not. Is it righteous indignation? Or is it part of my selfish desire to be understood and remembered? Is it part of my activist attitude that I must pick people up on the mistake in the hopes of spreading the word and decreasing the ignorance? Or is it on par with the pink thing, and I'm just making a mountain out of a mole hill?

I only ask questions because I genuinely don't know. And I pose the issue because I wonder whether other bisexuals meet with forgetfulness, and if it annoys them, and if it does, whether they feel guilty for being annoyed.

Also wondering whether to use the upcoming Valentines Day to make a move on the guy I like. You're probably not surprised to learn that most of my thoughts - outside of working on the costume of The Marriage of Figaro - are taken up with this man, and how I can communicate my interest to him.


I just smiled to myself. I witter on about the drama of the bisexual life, and how socio-politically we operate in society, but I'm glad I can remind myself of what it's all about - one person fancying the pants off another person, and feeling the butterflies when they see them.

Them butterflies. Get every they do. Run the universe ya know.

Anyway, I'm not saying someone's bisexuality should define them, or determine how others treat them. I'm not even saying that others should be aware of my enthusiasm (sight obsession) with love. I just think others should treat bisexuals like whole people, including their bisexuality.

Yep, butterflies.


  1. I think you are well within your rights to be annoyed about people forgetting your bisexuality, I know I would be! As you say, this isn't forgetting you like pink or that you don't like warm beverages etc. I have been annoyed frequently by this attitude I've occasionally encountered, that forgetting my orientation isn't as bad as say, someone forgetting that someone is gay; as if it isn't the same! Worse, is then when I've objected to this I've been made out to be making a fuss over nothing as though it were political correctness gone mad!

    So you stick to your guns girl! An definitely ask out your gentleman! As one hopeless romantic (who's recently reconnected with his own love in the US) to another, I say go for it!

  2. Hi! I'm from Argentina,I'm bisexual too.
    My english is too basic,so,I'm sorry if you don't usterstand me :)
    It's so hard living here,I'm from a small town and people judged me a lot,also my mother,who said that i'm straight or i'm a lesbian,she said that bisexuality doesn't exist.
    I like how you wright! i'll keep reading you (:

    1. Hiya :) I'm sorry to hear that people treat you badly. Please know that we're all out here in the rest of the world, bisexuals just like you. Your mother doesn't understand, but we do! Don't lose hope; you are a legitimate, beautiful person, and the bisexual community love you for being you x

  3. I can definitely relate to your experience of getting upset at people forgetting that you're bi. in a house I lived in last year, it was really isolating to live amongst a group of straight men whose dominant discourses always revolved around (straight) sex jokes (not to mention, sex jokes in general). In that sense I felt like I had to "remind" them that I was bi so as not to feel excluded. I am a bi man, btw.

    This is somewhat less related but I am wondering if you have this experience. Do you ever feel like its easier to feel your attraction to men (the dominant societal expectations) than to women? As a bisexual man, I find that I sometimes have to remind myself of my romantic attraction for other men. I often don't feel them strongly in person (though haven't put myself in many spaces with men who are open to that) but when I see male bi couples in movies, I get SO HAPPY!

    1. I know what you mean. It's more likely that I'll directly think about how I find an opposite sex person attractive, and it's only in the significant cases that I think about how I find a same-sex person attractive.

    2. Like JaReD my friends also often forget that I'm bi.

      Some years ago we sat around the poker table and some started to mention how lucky we were being men not having to do what girls should do for guys. At some point I thought it went too far and as one of my friends rhetorically asked "Could you imagine to ...?" I simply replied YES!

      The world stopped for a moment. You could actually feel the silence. Until we all laughed, and then we changed subject.